Reflections on Rebellion

This is a journal entry that I wrote a few weeks back. I just read it again and thought would be a good way to reflect on life and decisions.
"This has been an interesting summer. I've learned a lot about humility since coming home. I, only through the Father's grace and guidance, suddenly saw, during my last couple of days overseas, and in the next few weeks after coming home, the utter rebellion that had been plaguing my relationship with God for the past few weeks. I was tempted not to think of it as such- I could have done so much worse, after all, I kept my standards high, and did not compromise my faith...but I did not demonstrate it either. My sin seemed so small... or even invisible... in the eyes of the world. But it was rebellion in the deepest part of me. My rebellion was in my mind. I allowed all the doubts and justifications about God and life that had swirled about in my head for so long to carry my mind away, trying to reason out my own ideas and discard all the ones I considered old-fashioned. Perhaps I was bored, depressed, when it all began. Perhaps it was unconcious. But I ceased to put as a priority my relationship with Christ, but rather wanted to explore my ideas, my thoughts, become "me", and decided not to search the scriptures for my answers, but use my logic and intelligence to carry me through. What a mistake. What selfishness, I realized, and what emptiness I found myself in. My mind kept me from doing my best and making the most of every opportunity. I was so humbled, and God renewed my spirit and the joy of salvation was restored to me. I am free!
Yet I still have so far to go! How can I know I will not stumble again? I long to have another chance out in the great big world- this time, I hope to do better. I must constantly remind myself that I am not here to please myself- or others- but fulfill my mission as an emissary of the King."

Have you ever felt this way? Felt that you had failed entirely? But been restored by the everlasting love of our Lord? Have you been given as second chance? How has He used you for His kingdom despite yourself?