pensamientos

so i've been mused on by dasganze's recent post. i've just gotten home from the sunday night service i've started going to... basically a bunch of college kids hanging out, recruiting a preacher (this service thing was his idea to start with, we run it, but need his guidance and encouragement) to teach us, and in their words, "doing church differently". it's cool. and after my first week, i was recruited to be the "worship-leader-person". which i have found that i enjoy doing. It's not just playing guitar and singing on sunday nights, it's the whole process i go through to have the music ready. It forces me to play on one instrument or another or sing or at least think about songs everyday. It makes me be creative... and i wasn't so sure i could be that. Now i find myself writing more, thinking more, chilling more. I'm sitting here listening to soft music. I've recently found joy hearing Phil Wickham and Edison Glass. I've usually listened to rockier stuff, and still love it. but it was often just to get the aggression out from all the stress i was going through. Now i'm still busy, but maybe not quite as angry. Why? simply because i now make the effort to create... and in this effort, i feel the need to be at peace in all things i do. This has led me to cut out some activities and add others.
I went to a museum last sunday, saw some abstract expressionist works from the eastside of NYC. I've always appreciated such things (or tried to). But this time i actually understood. i stood there for much longer than i usually do, definitely a lot longer than the other people who ventured to the arts centre that day. The need to express one's emotion and impressions in a more tangible way than simply speaking...in fact, sometimes to truly express requires more than just speech. I wish i had my sister's talent for painting, i'd love to express in colour. Maybe that's why i put such thought into the background for my powerpoint for the words on sunday nights... i think in colours and places. But in the lack of such, i shall express myself through note and tone, and feel with rhythm, song, piano keys, my raspy alto voice, and guitar strings.