"the I which is not i"

"the I which is not i"

i feel much smaller than the I.
the I is straight, it is tall, it is defined, it is unified
it knows what it is and why it stands
it is a skyscraper of defiance
it makes a statement and a point
yet me inside is not ready or worthy of a capital
i am disjointed
i am small
i feel much less than tall
why does english demand we use the I,
the I which is not i?

How it happened

Yes the news is out.. i am in fact engaged to the most wonderful and fun (and potentially intelligent) person in the world. Yes really. And i thought i should take a break from my hectic med-school schedule to tell you how it happened.
1)Went to Oklahoma City to meet Mark's sister, bro-in-law and their two cute little kids. Mark had told me we were doing something special for New Year's Eve.
2)Pack up everything the morning of Dec. 31st. Head to airport.
3)Where are you taking me???
4)What? Are we going to New York City?
5)Land in the snow on long island and head to Times Square for the new year celebration
6)Chicken out due to the near-zero farenheit temperatures. Head to a restaurant where we were given free champagne at midnight.
7)Next day- go to the museum of modern art!
8)Awesome dinner at Oeste!
9)Bowery poetry club. Best stuff ever- could have stayed for all ten hours.
10)Rockefeller center- top of the Rock. Mark sang me "Beautiful" by Plankeye, then said "will you be my wife and wear this ring?"
-Yes i will!
-pics later

a poem of reflection

What is joy?
So often now i feel
Rent, torn in two
By the world
But more- by my own heart.

What is life?
Could one even
Claim it, for it comes
And goes-
As it pleases, not as i.

How could i say anything
Unless You
Show me?

How could i feel
Unless You
Move me?

How can i live
Unless you
Raise me?